are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
by Ford.Ye.Fiji
Summary: Ben and Vanya mourn for the brother that they lost. (AU)


Vanya poked her head out the bedroom door. The hallway stretched long and dark, seemingly going on forever into a black abyss. She swallowed and pulled the door open cautiously. She winced as the door creaked. She carefully edged one foot out and then the other. Vanya held her breath as she slowly closed it behind her, the door shutting softly with a click.

Her feet sunk into the thick carpet, pale nightgown swirling around her legs, footsteps padding quietly until she reached the wooden stairs. Experience had her move to the left side, hugging the wall and banister to avoid the groans of the stairs. She skipped the especially loud step, which was one from the bottom, and then she was home free. No one slept on the ground floor, so as long as she didn't run around and yell, she was fine to step on the ground without worrying about the tired noises the floorboards made.

She hurried along to the kitchen.

Everything was sparkling, as mom usually kept it, and completely immaculate. She flicked the light switch on, the bulb fizzing weakly as she searched the pantry for marshmallows. After depositing her prize on the table she clambered up onto the counter to get the peanut butter out of the cupboard.

"What are you doing?"

Vanya yelped and then clapped her hands over her mouth. She turned her head and eyed Ben, who was staring up at her sleepily, bruised bags under his eyes. She swallowed, "Nothing."

Ben eyed the bread, marshmallows, and butter knife on the table, Vanya with her hand frozen around the peanut butter.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with Pogo earlier, when he'd come downstairs that morning to see him cleaning peanut butter off his foot. Apparently someone had been sneaking into the kitchens at night and making sandwiches for a very long time now. Not just, any sandwiches, but Number Five's absolute favorite. That was why he was up, in fact. To catch the sandwich maker. Some small part of him had hoped, hoped beyond _all_ hope, that it was Five. It had been four years. Maybe, _maybe_, his brother had come home.

It had not been Five, apparently.

"It doesn't look like nothing."

Vanya pulled out the peanut butter slowly, hugging it to her chest as she closed the cabinet, sat down, and tentatively squirmed off the counter. She sat the peanut butter down with a thump on the table. Vanya spoke quietly, avoiding his gaze, eyes flicking away, "I'm hungry."

Ben pulled out a chair and sat, "You don't like peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches."

Vanya shook her head as she took two slices of bread and laid them out, "Maybe I do."

Ben watched her work, spreading the thick peanut butter and sprinkling marshmallows on the bread. He spoke as she finished, placing the second slice of bread on top as he picked at the sleeves of his pajamas, "I miss him too."

Vanya's mouth worked. Ben couldn't tell what she was thinking, her bangs shadowing her eyes as she put the ingredients away. The sandwich sat out on the counter and she stared at it. When she spoke, her voice was watery, "I don't think he's coming back."

Ben watched as she jerked and moved, bagging it up and sealing it. He whispered quietly, "No. I don't think he is either."

Vanya's lips trembled, and Ben stood when she shuddered, "He promised. He promised we'd be a family." Tears trailed down her cheeks as she finally looked at him, eyes wide and the circles under her eyes dark and pronounced- why hadn't he noticed them sooner?

"Why'd he leave, Ben?"

He stood and put his hand on her shoulder, pulling her towards him, "I don't know, Vanya. I don't know."

They held each other, in the kitchen at three am, a small ordinary girl clutching a sandwich that meant more than any sandwich had the right to mean, as she clung to a tall dark haired boy with horrors in his stomach- both mourning the piece of themselves that they'd lost.

A few minutes later Ben drew away, "What else do you do?"

Vanya sniffed, "I leave it on the porch and turn the light on." She tugged on her long hair, "So he can find his way home."

Ben nodded, "Let's go then."

He took her hand and she led him to the courtyard outside. She set the sandwich down on the steps and turned the light on over the door. They both stared out into the night and Vanya sighed. Ben licked his lips and spoke again, words soft yet too loud against the stillness, "If you want to keep getting up, I'll go with you. You don't have to do it alone."

Vanya shook her head, "Thank you... but you're right. He's not coming back." Her fingers tightened around the fabric of her nightgown, "This is my last night, I think."

Ben nodded and they stood together, silent sentinels, watching the night turn on.

In a million universes, nothing changes. In a million universes, they watch the sun rise over a silent world. They go inside, to their separate beds and they lay down and pretend that they had slept. The next night, no one gets up, no sandwiches are made, no light is turned on, and Vanya sleeps till morning.

In a million universes, Five does not come home, he doesn't return until they are far older and far more tired and it is eight days before the end of all things.

In a million universes that is how it happens... _but not in this one._

Vanya and Ben sit on the steps, watching the dark courtyard, watching the world turn on. Then, the silence is broken by a crackle and a sputter. Vanya blinks, wide eyed. Ben stands.

Light flashes and wind blows. Vanya gapes, standing with him.

A ball of swirling blue light engulfs the courtyard, the world ripping open at the seams, tearing apart. Vanya's hair whips around wildly, she shrieks, clutching Ben's hand as something flys past her face. Ben shields his eyes and with a concussive thump, the light is sucked inwards, and something falls from the tear in reality just before it closes with a snap.

Vanya blinks away the spots from her eyes. Ben rubs his with wonder.

A figure pushes itself upwards off the ground.

Ben's mouth falls open. Vanya gasps.

There before them, stands Number Five, looking not even a day older since he left, a suit a few sizes too big hanging off of his thin frame. He swallows, voice rasping when he sees them gawping at him, "_Shit_."

Vanya steps forward, "Five?" She almost can't believe it. Tears prickle against the corners of her eyes, "Is that you?"

He nods curtly, face twisted in some peculiar expression that's stuck somewhere between disappointed and overjoyed.

Ben rushes forward and pulls Five into a hug, he freezes as Ben clutches him close as if afraid he'll disappear, "Oh my god, you're really back. You're alive." Vanya chokes and follows him, Ben pulling her into the hug.

Five's tense muscles relax and he eases, reluctantly, into the hug. His siblings are taller and older, or at least, they look it, but there's still the remnants of the them that he remembered in the baby fat lingering around Ben's jawline and Vanya's height unchanged. He can also see the them that they will become, the them that he found on the back of the book that Vanya will write but has not written yet.

He'd meant to arrive later. He'd meant to arrive when they were old and he could fix the apocalypse.

He'd gotten here far too early in the timeline.

...Maybe that was a good thing.

Five buried his head in Ben's shoulder, the apologies slowly trickling out and then spilling all at once- apologies that he'd wanted to say for so long, "I didn't mean to leave. I tried to get back-"

Vanya speaks through tears and a blinding smile, "I knew you meant to come back. I _knew_ you did." Ben nods, "You're back now, and you're okay, and that's all that matters."

In a million universes, Ben and Vanya are alone. In a million universes, Ben goes on a mission and dies the next day. In a million universes, the Umbrella Academy splinters as its short two members, the children go off on their own way, and the first steps on the path to the apocalypse are set in motion.

In this universe, however, a lost child finds its way home, Vanya, Ben, and Five hug each other in a dark courtyard, the sun rises, and the day dawns new.


End file.
